12/26/07

Well it is hard to believe, but tomorrow it will be one year since Grandma died. She was 98 1/2 and while she lived a very long and full life, it is so hard to believe it has been a year. We had a very difficult Christmas last year since she was in the hospital, and it was obvious to me two days before Christmas that she wasn't going to make it. When we visited her that day, I had to leave the room twice because I knew I was going to lose it and I didn't want to bawl right in front of her. I stood outside the room and cried my eyes out until I could compose myself enough to go back in the room. It was so hard.

We had her funeral three days after Christmas and the only good thing was that Jim and I both had taken vacation the whole week. We had to double back home from Columbia the day after Christmas because we didn't have anything to wear and then go back to Columbia and then drive down to Aiken for the funeral. When we finally got home at 11:30 or so that night after the funeral, I was so exhausted physically and mentally I could barely enjoy any football as I slept most of the next day.

It is really amazing that we had her for that long. She lived with my parents for the last seven years of her life and I know it was hard on them. The youngest that one of my female relatives died was at the age of 80 - Aunt Pattie died first, then Mimi at 86, Aunt Peach died at 92, and then Grandma last year at 98 1/2. My retirement planning is in full swing!

What I find so amazing is how much like my Grandma I am in many ways. She got married at 29 (in 1937) - I got married at 30 - almost 31. She married someone 4 years younger than her, and Jim is 3 1/2 years younger than me. Her name was Martha and I was named after her. She was a very strong, independent woman (especially for the time when she came along), was not easily deterred when she believed she was right, and she was a unique person. When she was 80, she told me about the boy she loved but they did not get married because he didn't want to. She drove to New York by herself to see him and he told her that he loved her like a sister and didn't want to marry her. His name was Max Henry and I was always amazed at how she talked about him as it was very obvious he had broken her heart and she never got over it. I understand a lot more about my Grandma now. I was very close to her, and now I understand so much more about her. I inherited her very detailed memory (I remember so many details about so many things that most people don't) and most people I know can't believe the things I can recall about things that have happend. I haven't decided if it is a blessing or curse. I certainly got her independence and stubborness. I know there were many times when she was in the hospital over the years, and we would think that she wasn't going to make it. But underneath it all, there was this stubborn streak that was still there. That's how I knew that she was going to die last year - all of the fight was gone out of her.

I have been worried about my mom this week as it was so hard on her when Grandma died. So far she has been doing ok, but the week is not over yet. At least this Chrsitmas could not help but be better than last year.